The package MacTron posted earlier is supposedly Soft Sample Cell, but it tells me I need a SampleCell card to launch it. I thought that was the point of Soft SampleCell? One step I didn't take was launching the original installer first. So I went back and launched it, then it tells me that there is an incompatibility with the release date of sample cell, then when it's launched it says my trial period has ended. Hmm...
EDIT: Ok, I got it working on another system. I believe there's some invisible authorization file that I need to delete off my drive somehow.